London has a habit of sucking you back in doesn’t it? As I write this from the train on my 4th trip up to ‘The Big Smoke’ in as many weeks, I wonder how, 8 years after launching Countryfille as ‘the best of both city living and country life’, whether I’ll ever truly be able to ditch my ‘city habit’ for good and be a 100% Country fille…
Quite honestly, I feel like I’m owed shares in South West Trains. This ‘back and forward’ commute started while I was still at uni, travelling back at weekend to visit my boyfriend, then through my 20s for much needed weekend hits of ‘Devon’ to counter my manic, fast-paced, burgeoning career.
Now, 15 years on, the ratios are reversed; Devon has become my base once more – but I find myself, and my business, becoming more and more London centric. Am I complaining? No, London will always be my greatest love affair – since a tiny child visiting my grandparents in Maida Vale and with my nose pressed against the foggy glass of the top deck of the bus as we crawled down Oxford Street at Christmas, I knew if I wanted to lead an adventurous life – *this* was where I would find it. I still feel that as we pull into Waterloo; that electricity of being part of something. It isn’t until you’re a Londoner that you realise, London is an identity, not a location. Being ‘part of it’ is a tangible thing; a feeling that even if it’s for one day, or 10 years in my case. It stays with you.
Would I move back? No. For the boys, for quality of life, space, peace and friendships. No. Am I tempted? Hell yeah. Saying that feels like a guilty admission, like I’m cheating on Devon. Devon is absolutely not me ‘settling’, it’s not my second choice by any means. I ditched my dream job, friends and the city I loved to consciously build my ‘forever life’ back in Devon. I love it to my bones, but London just gets under your skin, you know?
So, it seems the Countryfille tagline of ‘city living, country life’ is as strong as ever. My business is 95% London based. My portfolio of (kickass) female-led, independent brands are almost all in town – so, here I am – commuting on a weekly basis for events, strategy days, meetings, photoshoots… Whilst for some the constant back and forward would be a hassle, for me, being able to work from anywhere – be it La Retraite (our French home), Italy (the husband’s family home), or on a train between London-Devon – it was important to me to be truly flexible and chase the BEST clients, rather than being confined to a geographical location. That’s not to say the best clients are in London, but because all my client acquisitons have come through personal recommendations (something I am MASSIVELY proud of), it just means that’s where my portfolio is based. I would never want to turn down a client I passionately wanted to work with, simply because they were on the other side of the country. I am a HUGE advocate for not having to choose. The whole premise of Countryfille is that you CAN have the best of both worlds.
Yet the downside to having my work hat in London? My mamma hat is of course, in Devon. Being apart from the boys will never not be tough. Not being there when they wake up, missing bath/bedtime – I won’t gloss over it, it’s hard. Do I know they’re safe and happy with my husband? Absolutely. They have a riot. It’s not that, it’s that I miss them, regardless of whether they’re missing me. Focussing hard on logistics, packing in meetings and trying not to be away for more than 5 nights a month makes it do-able. They have settled into the routine of ‘mamma being in London’ and we have found our groove. I know lots of fathers who work away a lot more than 5 nights a month; is it harder doing it as a mother? Do I feel more guilt? I don’t think I can judge, but whilst the pang of missing them is hard, the fulfillment I get from my ‘city living, country life’ means you will be finding me on the 7.12 train from Honiton for the foreseeable…