I am stubborn to a fault. I will dig my heels in waaaaay past the point I remembered why I’d made a particular standpoint, simply because I hate admitting defeat (read: I’m wrong).
However after 4 years of being 100% one and done after the birth of our first son, I changed my mind in 0.3 seconds.
Here’s the long version…
So, growing up I was going to have 4 children. Triplet girls, Rosie, Josie and Posie and a boy, Huw. And that was that (so easy to plan when you’re 6 – I think I thought you ordered them in the back of the Argos catalogue like Baby Annabels). I was also going to get married at 26 (check) and have my first baby at 28 (check again)… and that’s when my Life Plan derailed.
Dante was born and after the initial first-time parent fug of WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING – I almost immediately realised, he was it for me. It was that simple – he completed my motherly urges and I could not imagine wanting anyone else. The only way I can describe it, is when you fall in love with THE ONE. You don’t fall in love and then immediately think, ‘Oh this is so great, I want to fall in love with 3 other people!’. Another baby felt like a HUGE betrayal to him – like by having another baby I’d be saying ‘you’re not enough, I need to go again.’
My husband coming from a large Italian family and me from a big Welsh brood – our ‘one and done’ attitude was an anathema to our parents – but we were resolute…. until we weren’t.
I say we, but in all honesty, the 360 change of heart was ALL mine.
When people in your life keep dying at alarming rates, at some point a geneticist steps in and starts to question the hideous regularity… which is what happened after my uncle and dad died in quick succession. I was subjected to a barrage of consultations and tests to see if I was next in line (or so it felt) and it was during one of these sessions that I was flippantly asked by my consultant: ‘So, if we need to go ahead with a full hysterectomy, are you 100% sure your family is complete?’
*insert car screeching to a halt*
I walked into that non-descript, windowless NHS room totally assured in my ‘one and done’ status as a mother and with one question it was like someone had jump started my broodiness. Before I fell pregnant with Dante I thought my baby-obsession was bad, but I walked out that hospital RAGING. Before we’d even reached our car, and without me uttering a word, my husband concluded ‘looks like we’re having another baby then’.
Is being threatened with a hysterecomy a great way of deciding to procreate? Probably not – but I do feel like it’s that moment when you’re about to lose something that it brings into stark relief just how much you want it. Even if you had no idea you did.
I have to point out, it couldn’t have been a worse time – my dad had just died and I was in the middle of caring full-time for my terminally ill mum. Having sex was LOW on my list of priorities as it was, let alone growing and giving birth to a baby. But that’s not how it works is it? The ol’ hormones? Your body doesn’t wait until you’re settled, with a beautiful home, an abundance of surplus cash and with two healthy parents…. if it did I think the human race would be wiped out.
Don’t get me wrong, we didn’t get down to the task right there and then in the car park. I did have to think long and hard about being in the full knowledge that I would be growing a baby, whilst watching my mum die. Knowing she would never meet them. Going into it knowing that was HARD. I will do another post about grief and pregnancy, but after an all-night conversation we agreed that if life was teaching us anything – it was NOT TO WAIT. To make babies, to pursue happiness, to eat the cake or take the chance… so we did.
To be continued…