18 months on from sepsis and my splenectomy, I’m still navigating life, sans alcohol. I’ve resisted talking about it publically because I am acutely aware that I am here, when 70% of people with the same diagnosis as me aren’t. Complaining about what beverages I can and cannot drink feels flippant and ungrateful at best.
Also 90% of the time it genuinely isn’t a big deal for me and I forget for months on end – I gave it up twice for a good 18 months or so when pregnant/breast-feeding and coped just fine – but recently, after a few *interesting* interactions around the topic of my abstinence with well-meaning friends and random strangers in bars – it’s made me want to thrash it all out… bear with me…
So, I’m in a bit of a rare position where I haven’t given up alcohol through some kind of addiction or dependancy issue but OH MY GOD – if I had, I would be approaching this conversation very differently… if I had endured the cross examinations about why I’m declining an alcoholic beverage and the barrage of ‘oh come on, you can have a spritzer can’t you?’ jovial banter, whilst battling a genuine alcohol problem – I would find it impossibly hard.
Why when met with the answer ‘no thanks, I don’t drink’ do people feel the need for a/ mock horror b/ to tell you how they ‘can’t imagine a worse fate’ (really?! I nearly died, I can) c/ the desire to know EXACTLY why you can’t drink – rather than accepting, it’s just not something I do. What if I had just left rehab? The insensitivity still baffles me, along with the importance people put on drinking alcohol – is it THAT big an issue not to? I think it might be a generational thing; chatting to Generation Ys, not drinking is no biggie and plenty don’t, as a lifestyle choice, as well as a cost issue (gone are the days of £1 pints down the student union!).
And let’s not get onto the subject of ‘soft alternatives’ – I’m only 18 months into the rest of my life off the bottle and if I see ONE MORE ELDERFLOWER CORDIAL I may combust. I hate sugary soft drinks and ditto juices. Other than a sparkling water – which really is a party killer – I’m at a loss. Yes, Seedlip is great – it’s not gin – but it’s good. *Occasionally* I’ll strike gold with an amazing bar tender who doesn’t tut when I say ‘can you make me something non-alcoholic?’ and rises to the challenge – like at the Bingham Hotel last week (main pic).
Initially my solution was to avoid all social ‘drinking’ situations because I didn’t see the fun in watching my friends drink (total FOMO) – or worse, them not drink because of me (total GUILT). Gradually however I realised that I simply needed to take the focus off the drinking element of social gatherings; to be honest – gone are the days of boozy nights out, we’re more likely to go out for a meal, or gather together as families than hit the bar for an all-night drinking sesh. My friends have been amazing too, whereas we might have caught up over drinks after work, we’re now going for evening walks (hello summer!), catching a film together or going for a coffee instead (a vice I will NEVER give up).
Whilst I’ve never used alcohol as a crux (sure I’ve cried away heartache into the bottom of a bottle of warm Chardonnay in my day, who hasn’t?!), I do really miss that ‘aaaaaaah’ moment when you take your first sip of ice cold G&T after a long, stressful day; a cosy shared bottle of red over a conspiratorial gossip session with a girlfriend, or that first heady sip of Champagne to celebrate something special… is it the alcohol itself? Or what it signals to my brain? Who knows… but I know I can’t fake it.
As with much of post sepsis life, I’m still adjusting to the ‘new normal’ and while being alcohol-free is hardly a hardship, it is a change and a limitation that I would be lying if I didn’t find frustrating… I’m not looking for solutions, and certainly not sympathy (#firstworldproblems) but if you’re in a similar boat, or know any FAB non-alcoholic beverage ideas (not too sweet!) I’d love to hear in the comments below
CF x
