Last year I became a yoga ambassador for a brilliant yogawear brand, Badd Karma – who focuss on inclusivity on the yoga mat, opening up the practice to people regardless of fitness, shape, size etc and shine light on ‘yogis’ who don’t fit the bendy, lithe, ‘slip of an Antipodean’ mould that seems to be the ‘Insta reality’.
I did a Q&A about my 20-year love affair with yoga for their website and I thought I’d now share it here since the Badd Karma brand has since closed – if you’ve ever been tempted to give yoga a go but thought ‘I’m not bendy enough’ – this is for you…
When and why did you take up yoga?
It was the summer before my AS levels and in my 17-year old wisdom (and limited relationship experience), I decided to catch the eye of the demi-god living next door I needed to get a book out of the library and start practicing yoga in the garden (in view of his bedroom window). So far, so Dawson’s Creek. I diligently practiced twice a day and soon found that my time on the mat was actually helping me sleep better, manage my anxiety (something I’ve battled since childhood), gave me energy and I was actually enjoying contorting my body into all these shapes I couldn’t pronounce – and so my rather accidental love affair with yoga began (and with the boy next door – score).
What challenges did you find in your practice at the time?
I was diagnosed with spina bifida age 10. It’s something you’re born with but we only found out after I had an accident in gym class. While I have the mild form, it means that two of my large lumbar vertebrae aren’t formed properly, meaning my discs are prone to prolapse – anything can cause it, even sneezing. I spent my early teens in and out of hospital having numerous proceedures and I was in a steel corset for 6 months. Other than the risk of disc prolapse, it has left me with severe sciatica and severe numbness in my left leg.I find all the basics a challenge – sitting cross-legged, balance poses, spinal flexibility… when you’re starting out on your yoga journey, that’s frustrating. Yet even within my limitations, I soon found poses that lit my fire – Warrior 2 has always made me feel so strong and invincible, it’s such a power pose – and totally do-able! Dancer pose makes me feel like I’m flying and the stretch you get from pigeon is beeeeyooonnnndddd. You don’t need to fold your body up like a piece of origami to feel the benefits.
How did you deal with that when you started going to classes? Did you find it hard to find the right class/teacher?
I didn’t venture into a class situation for quite a while to be honest. None of my friends were interested and in 90s rural Devon, yoga studios weren’t exactly plentiful. At uni in London I managed to find a class to join, but even then it was at a gym in Peckham and was very much a ‘lite’ class that was more about strengthening/toning, than REAL yoga.
I became a health and beauty editor in my mid-Twenties and began road-testing every studio, exercise class and gym in Central London. Believe me, there is nothing more intimidating than practicing your downward-facing dog next to gazelle-like super models and flexy yummy mummies. I never stuck at one studio for long. I found myself distracted by those around me, whether my vest had rolled up or if they’d be rolling their eyes at the hapless girl in the corner who couldn’t even sit cross-legged. I always felt I needed to justify my inflexibility to the teacher (and the class) at the beginning of the class so they didn’t think I was a complete failure. Not the most positive mind-set to start a practice…
How did you get over the self-consciousness you felt? Did you have an a-ha moment where you felt more accepting of and at one with your body?
My SB carried on frustrating me throughout my Twenties, I was hospitalized three times in a year and after a bad car accident in 2010 I was off work for 6 months and in the physio clinic daily. I felt broken but once I recovered and was able to get back to my yoga mat I had a bit of a lightbulb moment – how awesome is my body that it can be here, doing this? It definitely kicked my butt out of the ‘poor me’ phase and into the ‘aren’t you bloody lucky’ mindset. Yes, I still find a lot of poses hard and my spinal flexibility is never going to be great. When my discs do prolapse and I need to take time away from the mat and that’s fine too, I don’t beat myself up about it now, or compare my body or practice to anyone else’s. I show up on the mat every day and that’s what makes me a yogi.
How does yoga affect your overall health, physical and mental?
Yoga has been my go-to for 20 years – everything from the loss of my parents to boy trouble has lead me to the mat. I love encouraging people, like me, who don’t fit the ‘yoga mould’ onto the mat so they can access the amazing physical and emotional benefits it can unlock. There’s pretty much nothing I don’t think that yoga can help – anxiety, back pain, searing loss… it’s sooo accessible too – do it at home, in your pjs, when the baby’s napping…I hear all the time ‘oh I couldn’t do yoga, I can’t even touch my toes!’, or that people are scared off by the ‘spiritual’ element of it and think they’re going to be chanting into their ‘third eye’. Wherever that is. Forget what you THINK yoga is about and just explore.
Have you surprised yourself, in terms of what you CAN do on the yoga mat?
It’s only in the last 2 years that I’ve found my yoga soulmate: Vinyasa flow. To me, it’s such an empowering, fluid dance. I find it hypnotic. My body takes over and it’s the only yoga practise that I’ve found that calms my anxiety-frazzled, over-thinking mind. Forget meditation – getting into a flow that’s synced with your breath is like catching a wave.
Why should people who are less flexible not be put off trying yoga?
Spina bifida aside, I would just encourage anyone to have a go. A great teacher will help you find poses and use straps, blocks and cushions to support you in poses. The magic thing about yoga is that each time to try a pose you will get a little deeper, bendier and twistier. I can now get my forearms to the ground in a forward fold and yes, I am showing off.
What should they look out for in a class or teacher? And any tips for adaptations and ways to overcome self-consciousness?
Talk to your teacher beforehand, not in a hurried stage whisper at the front of class whilst everyone is sat on their mats. Talk to the studio and ask for a pre-class chat. Talk through your concerns, what you’re self-conscious about and if you don’t feel completely supported and reassured by your teacher. Find another! It’s a bit like online dating, you have to shop around but don’t be afraid to! You will eventually find someone who inspires your practice and that bond is really special. I know it’s really hard, but people really don’t care what you’re doing on your mat. They’re probably slipping on their sweaty palms just like you. It zaps the joy out of your practice and actually, when you do find your tribe and you all do a flow together, in sync – there is nothing to beat it.
