Yep, it’s a comin’: the big 3-0. This weekend to be precise. Am I feeling neurotic and old? Nah. A little retrospective perhaps, and definitely wiser than I was a decade ago turning 20 – a ball of body conscious, hormonal angst. So, rather than bemoaning the dawn of a new decade I thought I’d celebrate what I’ve learnt over the last 10 years… indulge me…
30 vs. 20 – what I know now…
1. 3st heavier and 300% happier.
By eating only one meal a day and exercising A LOT I managed to hover around a size 10/12 through my late teens and early twenties. The irony looking back? I thought I was HUGE. I was never happy in my clothes, let alone my own skin.
Now, a decade plus a couple of stone on, I have never felt more confident, stronger or happier in my own skin. Yes, I’m ‘bigger’ but if I’m being honest, probably at a much truer weight than I was. And I certainly have a healthier and more balanced body image to boot. I think having a baby cures you of a LOT of body hang-ups. You find a new found respect for your body and its abilities, beyond the aesthetic – that light-bulb moment when you realise actually, it’s not purely there to look great in a bikini, but to grow another human being. I still marvel at the fact I grew a complete pair of testicles. Female bodies rock.
Motherhood has also put paid to any ‘faddy eating habits’ I had in my early twenties, I certainly don’t want to be passing those on to my son and my high standards of nutrition for him have rubbed off on me, too. I now want to eat stuff that is going to make me healthier, happier and stronger – not because it might make me skinnier.
2. Value yourself and your boss will too.
Starting out in journalism is tough. Really tough. You have to earn your stripes, make the tea and do the unglamorous jobs. I still truly believe that should be the way it works, but I also now know that you need to learn to value your skills, time and energy. Or no one else will either. By all means be the ‘yes woman’, but expect to be a/ appreciated and b/ renumerated for it (tip: the appreciation part is far more valuable than any pay cheque). Don’t give away your talent or time for nothing. Yes, there are plenty of people who would kill for your job (GOD I have heard that excuse 1,0023 times to negate a pay rise) but YOU got the role on your merits. Believe in your ability but never stop wanting to better it.
3. Cut the crap.
Don’t be afraid to ditch friends. Or make new ones. When you hit your mid 20s it’s very easy to think ‘I’m done on the friends front’ and hunker down with the ones you’ve got. The good, the bad and the passive aggressive. You wouldn’t put up with a disloyal, belittling, unreliable boyfriend – so why not dump you’re equally crap friends? Or less dramatically, perhaps you’ve just drifted apart. Different career paths or life choices (you’re settling down, they’re back-packing around India) – it doesn’t make you disloyal, it makes you honest. Rather than forcing a friendship that has run its course, be brave and invest your energy in forging new friendships with people who you connect with NOW. Yes, I have kept a handful of close friends from childhood but I have also made two of the most INCREDIBLE friends in my late 20s, proper sisters-from-another-mother girlfriends, that I would now be truly lost without (they are both called Gemma incidently *waves*).
4. Love – it ain’t like in the movies (sorry Nicholas Sparks)
I entered my 20s with a proper Richard Curtis, rose-tinted view on love. Soul mates, The One, love at first sight, wishing on shooting stars… the works. At 30? It’s not that love has lost its shine, yes it’s a little battle-worn I’ll admit, but more than that, it has become nuanced and refined. I have realised that love isn’t in the big gestures or words – of course they’re the easy bits when in fact, it’s the lust talking. Love, the enduring kind, is found quietly pottering away in the little tiny things that you do each day for one another. It’s fundamentally about kindness. And valuing someone else’s happiness as highly as your own. I think when I stopped looking for that ‘movie love’ – loyalty, integrity, a shared history and values – they all came to the fore and made me realise what true and grounded foundations they were for REAL love. Although I’m still a shmuck for a grand romantic gesture, I’ll admit.
5. Don’t sweat the small stuff
When I think of the hours of worry I have expended on RIDICULOUSLY insignificant thoughts, people and decisions – money, career, relationships – then BAM, one day you wake up and cancer has robbed you of the person dearest to you, and you are quickly astounded that you found anything to worry about before. You see the truth is, the things that are really worth worrying about, you won’t be able to second-guess, so quit fretting.
I feel like that should have been imparted to you at around 2am, halfway down a bottle of whiskey but hey… it’s not my birthday just yet.